How can I save my marriage? How can I get out of debt? How can I get a better job? How can I find a mate? We want to get married and now we need a preacher. All these and many other questions are usually at the center of most counseling sessions. Very rarely does the person ask, “How can I deepen my spiritual life?” And yet the latter question is always the pertinent one.
People want words that encourage them and provide a scrap of hope without any substantive change in their hearts and lives. They do not want to hear how they must reverse their spiritual course or how they must repent. They are usually interested in the repentance of others who are causing them distress. They desire me to embrace their side in the matter. They want consolation without contrition. They want encouragement without consecration. They want soothing words without correction. I have always found most counseling sessions very hollow and mostly unproductive, even if their problem can be “solved”.
People want words that encourage them and provide a scrap of hope without any substantive change in their hearts and lives. They do not want to hear how they must reverse their spiritual course or how they must repent. They are usually interested in the repentance of others who are causing them distress. They desire me to embrace their side in the matter. They want consolation without contrition. They want encouragement without consecration. They want soothing words without correction. I have always found most counseling sessions very hollow and mostly unproductive, even if their problem can be “solved”.
I agree with this Baptist pastor {Rick Frueh}. I have been mentoring women for over eight years. Every single time I mentor someone in a troubled marriage, all they talk about is how horrible their husband is treating them. All they can do is speak negatively about him.
My task is to get them to see their part in the destruction of their marriage, repent of it, and change course. I work on the heart issues of not having bitterness towards their husbands. I teach them to not speak or think negatively about him. Then I teach them that they are commanded by God to love their husbands.
Is this easy? NO! Some women don't want anything to do with me after this and tell me I am too hard on them. They expect me to acknowledge that their husbands are jerks and to encourage them to continue to treat them with disdain. But those women who have teachable spirits and want to learn how to heal their marriage always have an improved marriage.
No, life isn't about seeking happiness and comfort. It is about obeying God and pleasing Him. It isn't the wide and easy path that leads to destruction. It is the narrow path that leads to life. No husband is perfect or ever will be. Neither are you. All we can change is ourselves. We can't change anybody else.
My advice to you comes straight from the Bible ~
If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sits on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.
Colossians 3:1-3
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