After I posted an article on submission and the equality of men and women yesterday, we had an interesting dialogue going on in the Time-Warp Wife facebook group. As usual, the women there were full of encouragement and wisdom. (I'm always blessed by you!) I've decided to pull out some of your thought provoking comments and questions to share on the blog. Thanks, ladies!
Natalie Writes:
Being born in 1980, I had NEVER thought of biblical submission or my role in the marriage, due to the absolute absorption of the feminist movement. After reading about it, and now doing an in-depth study, I see how important it is to embrace. It is why we were created and only endears me further to my husband, when I am allowing him to be the man that he was created to be. ♥
Sarah Writes:
Interesting how in a society that advocates women's CHOICE, when a woman makes the CHOICE to submit to her husband she is condemned as a heretic! In my opinion, while the husband has the power and control the wife's role is just as hard if not harder because as a woman most of us have trouble with our tongues (I know I do!) And yet learning to hold back my comments and complaints in order to submit is very difficult!
Wonderful article, thank you for sharing!
Estella Writes:
Submission is not biblically a green light for abuse, it is an instruction regarding relationships with God as Father, Lord, Creator, etc.. first then the male, female, and children for the inner family then you add the extended family from there. Submission is not hard when it is alignment with God's instructions and laws. Submission is only hard when there is foundational disagreement or abuse. To heal relationships, we all have to seek God for His grace, mercy, peace, and love while we are instructed to forgive so that we can be forgiven. Forgiveness like submission is not a control or abuse issue but rather a benefit from healthy relationships.
Ruth Asks:
But what do u do when your hubby doesn't have a clue about how to be a husband?
Cadi Writes:
You pray for him. have you read The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian? I highly recommended reading. Of course, all we need to know, really, has been laid out for us in scripture, but this book is great for the situations and dynamics of modern day marriage.
Tammy (Kingdom Housewifes) Writes:
Agree with Cadi... prayer is powerful! When we pray for our husband's it draws us closer to God and to our spouse. I have also found that when I pray for my husband/our marriage...the Holy Spirit draws me to take inventory of myself. Sometimes, it's not easy but the end result... growing more Christ-like. :)
Torrie (Blessed Beyond Measure) Writes:
I too agree with Tammy & Cadi. The best thing you can do for your self, your husband and your marriage is pray without ceasing. I've learned recently that it's my job to follow what God asks of me through his Word. It's HIS job to change my heart and my husband's heart. Only God, through the Holy Spirit, can change a heart.
Beautiful Mommy Feet Writes:
This is an area of my life that the Lord is plaguing me and I am SO glad He is :) I never realized how much I struggle with this. I was listening to a sermon last night while waiting for the hubs to get home - random sermon selection and it was also on submission, go figure, so was Sunday School and the sermon yesterday... ha, yeah.
But Chip Ingrim was talking about the culture from when 1 Peter 3 was written (how to "win" your husband to the Lord) and it was when every culture looked down on women, forced submission, when women were owned like cattle. For a woman to trust Christ without her husband being the first to make a move was almost suicide.
God in His creation of how things work - our job is to show God our LOVE for HIM by our love for others, which is hardest and more refined in us when that love/respect has to be shown to an unloving, unwise spouse who is not fulfilling his biblical duties as a husband.
But How dare I hold my husband to those standards if I myself am not abiding by the womans role.
(BTW I married an amazing man, he's the one that married a challenge) but it has been by me seeing Christ in his life and humility in his walk that has shown me how imperfect I am.
Jenn Writes:
My marriage was healed and restored and actually made more than I could have ever imagined by trusting God at His Word and doing my part... regardless of what my husband did or didn't do. Did it seem logical or fair? No. I will say that I shudder to think of missing all of this blessing by not taken that first step in faith. I second Stormy's book. That and another book really helped me out, and showed me a different perspective! Yes, we have the Bible first and foremost but without having seen that lived out in life and being a brand new Christian, these books served as a "mentor" of sorts to me, and showed me examples in a practical way of biblical principles.
Meredith Writes:
As a pastor's wife who doesn't quite fit the stereotypical mode for our calling, I have wrestled with the issue of submission based on my rebel-tendencies alone! BUT I WILL say that when our husbands our honoring God and obeying the charge to them to love us as Christ loves the church, the submission just happens naturally and beautifully. Submission changes things, and it's not a dirty 10-letter word ;)
Tabby Asks: (from the wall at "A Simple Country Life)
Honest to goodness question; How do we submit to our husband if he is the submissive personality in our relationship? My whole life (pre-religion & now) I have had a more dominate, take-charge personality. That's a big part of what my husband was attracted to. He has a more laid-back, submissive personality. He has told me many, many times he would much rather have me tell him what to do around the house or with the cars or the kids etc. (that makes it sound like HE'S the homemaker not me, but that's not how it is) than try to do any of it on his own. He attributes a lot of it to a military career where decisions are made FOR him much more frequently than BY him. The point is, in reference to this very scriptural idea, he has told me outright he couldn't live with me being submissive to him the way he understands it (he grew up with religion, so he has a better concept than I do).
My Answer:
I think that the fact that you are respecting HIS wishes for the way that your family is run is submitting. Sounds like you're marriage is functioning well. Submission isn't about how many loads of laundry we do or the fact that he does the paper work while we do the dishes, it's more about living in harmony without having to be "right." It's about willing to take the first step to reconciliation. It's about submission of one heart to another. When we teach our children that it's more blessed to give than to receive, to love our neighbour as ourself, or to walk away from a fight, we are teaching them the art of submitting one to another--the way that it should be. That's best way to love!
You are loved by an almighty God,
Darlene
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