How Do I Move Beyond This?

Before I get into today's post I wanted to point out that I've decided to open the blog to comments. I haven't really done that here before, but I've been thinking about it for a few weeks and I wonder if it might be a great way for me to connect with you. After all, this blog isn't about me--it's about our relationship with Jesus Christ and with one another. 

With that said, I'd like to try it out for a few weeks to see how it goes, and if I'm not biting off more than I can chew than I'll keep it as a permanent fixture. Sound good? 

You'll find a link at the bottom of the post where you can leave a comment--I hope you do!

Dear Darlene,

I just finished your video about biblical submission.  Excellent!  I knew all of it but we can always use a good reminder every now and then.  I have learned some hard lessons in submission in the past.  I have been determined not to repeat my mistakes in that area again.

This time around though, it's like I am submitting but only because I know it is what God has called me to and what pleases Him.  I am angry though.  Not really at the decision my husband made, but in the how of it all.  He disrespected me, I feel, in the way he acted on his decision. I specifically asked that he not include me in his action since it was not my decision.  Am I wrong in this since we are "one?"

I guess that is my question.  If I have no real "right" to be angry then I need to adjust my perspective immediately to move beyond this. I know I need to move beyond it regardless.  But I am really struggling with these feelings right now. 

And I know that with some time and taking it before the Lord and asking Him to guide me through it, I will come through it. I know healing and moving past hurt does not happen overnight, but it feels like my husband is expecting me to just "bounce back" into the everything is great and "normal" in our marriage phase. I should add that we have not been through a struggle this deep in some time.

Thank you for your time and for your ministry. 

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

Thank you so much for your letter and for sharing your heart with me. You talked about whether or not you had a "right" to be angry. Here's the thing...  God knows that we'll definitely get angry from time to time. The Bible says, be angry and sin not. Here's a great piece of scripture in its entirety:

When you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. ~ Ephesians 4:21-27, NIV

When I look at that scripture I see that while God understands that we will get angry, we are to guard our thoughts in the process so that the devil doesn't get a foot hold. Satan loves to get his foot into the door of our marriage anytime we leave it open a crack!

You said, "This time around though, it's like I am submitting but only because I know it is what God has called me to and what pleases Him." I can't help but be reminded of our Savior's walk to the cross. Remember in the garden just hours before His death He prayed asking that this cup (the suffering) be removed from Him, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." (Luke 22:42, NIV) 

And so we see that He lived to please God. He wasn't living to please himself or mankind. The reason that He was submitting to the plan of salvation was because of His obedience to the Father. The reason that we submit to our husbands is to reflect the covenant between Christ and His Church. 

I think that the core of your question was "how do I move beyond this?" I see a few things in here that can guide us through these frustrating times (and remember that we ALL get frustrated). We must be careful to guard our hearts and our minds from the temptation to sin in our anger. Notice the part that says, "speak truthfully to your neighbor." Communication is so important in a marriage, and the best way to keep the lines of communication open is to approach our husbands with humility and grace. 

Was he wrong? He might very well have been. I don't know the entire situation and even if I did I wouldn't have the wisdom to judge his actions. But I do know this - we can't accept another person's imperfections until we have mastered the lesson of understanding our own. Until we see what God's grace and forgiveness has done for us.

A good rule of thumb for keeping our thoughts in line is to line ourselves up with Paul's lesson on love in Corinthians:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, NIV

And finally let's not forget the power of prayer. We don't have the ability to change another person; in fact people have enough trouble trying to change their selves. But the truth is that God is able to do abundantly more than you ask or think. We don't have to understand how or why things happen the way that they do. Our job is to leave our burden in His capable hands and do our best to walk in truth.

From reading your letter, I’m certain that you already know all of this and are practicing it, but I pray that by sharing scripture with you I might be here to help and encourage you along the way.

You are loved by an almighty God,



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P.S. I'm over at Blessed Beyond Measure today chatting about marriage and hair-dos. Fun stuff! I hope you pop in there for a visit!