The Vocabulary of Touch

Do you remember the first time your husband reached out for your hand? The first time his arm brushed up against yours? What about the first time that the two of you kissed?

I remember our first kiss. We were standing on a rickety old foot bridge taking in the tranquil view of the river below, when his lips finally met mine. It was the moment I had been dreaming about for weeks, wondering when and if we'd take this next step.

I also remember the first time we held hands. His arm would often brush up against mine when we were sitting in church or taking a walk in the park, but nothing compared to that moment when his fingers slipped into mine. The stars were aglow. The air swept through washing over us with a fresh summer breeze from the lake. Two pieces of a puzzle fit together as one. 

The touch of his skin brought a new dimension to our relationship, perhaps one could call it the language of touch. And maybe we should since one touch can say more in one single moment than our tongue ever could. It's a language that we continue to speak and to learn as each year goes by.

I can't imagine any relationship thriving without touch any more than I could imagine two people living in a house where they never spoke a single word to each other.

We hear plenty about the importance of communication, but what we don't hear enough is how touch plays a vital part in bonding two people together.

If you're a mother you'll likely remember the first moments spent with your newborn. We have a natural desire to hold them during those first years of bonding. As they grow to the point where they are crawling and walking we must continue to offer them physical contact. It may be in the way that we hug our children, hold hands with them or offer a gentle pat on the back.

Consider this... if our physical touch and affection is nourishment for growing children, imagine the nourishment it brings to a growing relationship between a man and his wife?

Here's an excerpt from an interesting article by Benedict Carey discussing the effects of physical touch, and its benefit to team sports:

To see whether a rich vocabulary of supportive touch is in fact related to performance, scientists at Berkeley recently analyzed interactions in one of the most physically expressive arenas on earth: professional basketball. Michael W. Kraus led a research team that coded every bump, hug and high five in a single game played by each team in the National Basketball Association early last season.

In a paper due out this year in the journal Emotion, Mr. Kraus and his co-authors, Cassy Huang and Dr. Keltner, report that with a few exceptions, good teams tended to be touchier than bad ones. 

Benedict Carey, "Evidence That Little Touches Do Mean So Much," New York Times, February 23, 2010 page D5.

The article also went on to say--and this is my favorite part of the study--that the part of the brain that solves problems responds to touch sending it a message of relaxation. He writes, In effect, the body interprets a supportive touch as “I’ll share the load.”

Isn't that what being a help meet is all about? Sharing the load, being there to support and encourage him, or as one of my readers once put it, "helping to meet the needs of your husband." Okay, if I started writing about the "needs" of our husbands I'd go on all day, because let me tell you--I have a bunch of thoughts racing through my brain. I'll save that for another post (which by the way I'm dying to get into with you!) and leave you with one last thought for today:

What are some ways that you can improve the vocabulary of touch in your marriage? 

You are loved by an almighty God,



Visit Time-Warp Wife on facebook: Click here

If you would like to have Time-Warp Wife delivered to your inbox daily, simply click here: Subscribe to Time-Warp Wife

Check out my book, The Good Wife's Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Help Meet

In participation with: